21st of June to the 12th of July

There is just so much going on in the summer. Some of the biggest happenings have already happened. I participated in some fantastic outdoor stand-up comedy shows and had the opportunity to share the stage with great people. The weather is fantastic, albeit too dry. I am waiting on an e-bike for my birthday - it’s supposed to be a hybrid of a pedal bike and a belt-drive-e-bike, but the communication with the Chinese company is horrid. They won a red dot design award, not a red dot communication award. Seems my belt drive is not available. I have eyes on a substitute that is almost as cool but has already been seen in the wild and is definitely available. I am just waiting on the next messages and updates. It would be nice. Anyhow here are some stories…

21st of June: “Description or emotional response to sunlight”

The longest day of the year. The longest year is also a great song by a favorite band of mine: Katatonia. To me, there is something somber when hearing “longest year”. The longest day however has something hopeful. Something positive. There is magic when we think of the longest day. It’s usually not a day when it is too hot, but it will be someday in the future. A day where the sun relentlessly burns our stupid heads and lets our brains cook a bit and think about what we could have done better. A day where nature has adapted and made a lot of the world as we know it unbearable to live in for humans. It still usually is just a normal day, a day that smiles at us and to be honest the sun will shine without us. I guess there is something positive in a somber outlook.

22nd of June: “What did you believe that you do not any longer”

I was really, really deep into books about paranormal activities, UFOs, aliens, and ancient civilizations with hidden secrets. Today I would call most of these stories, books even: glorified conspiracy theories. I embrace stories like this in fiction and the topics are fun, but really just that. With Corona and all that we learned how dangerous pseudo-science can be. I still get high blood pressure when some hippies and esoteric assholes get cancer patients or other vulnerable people to take their snake oil and chug money at their bogus. Really gets me going. I look back and see myself as a teen reading this, but thankfully there was no internet that could have led me down a rabbit hole of bullshit. It was just a walk through a wonderland of things a young teen could eat up and keep reading. Not too bad!

23rd of June: “Something often overlooked”

Suggestions for this topic have been patterns or intricate details or anything like that. To me, it is often overlooked to look up. There is a whole world of fascinating stuff if you when you walk outside, look up. I mean above eye level. There are people in the windows looking down. There is beautiful architecture and trees that are much taller than you. There are things going on that don’t happen at eye level. Do you know how supermarkets put the things with the biggest margin on eye level? I believe a lot of stuff happens there but there is a whole other world below and above. Imagine the lives that happen on a level that you usually don’t pay attention to. The second stories and above are just as filled with families as the ground floor if not more. Rarely a shop on the second floor and just people living their lives. Lights and windows. A woman with her arms crossed on a pillow on the windowsill watching you and everyone else. A couple of cats in a few windows doing cat things. Some interesting light combinations inside the flats. Purple lights, cold white, and warm white. Some shops use hostile architecture to keep pigeons away from windows or any place they could sit down or walk around. But then you also notice some flowers that have been drawn by little hands and more than one sun in one window. Beautiful. Look up and discover a new world.

24th of June: “The most beautiful place”

I don’t know. There is a time tied to a place as well that makes it the most beautiful place at that time. I think Hong Kong was everything I ever wanted it to be and then some. The ride with the bus from the airport to the city was gorgeous throughout the whole way. I saw Jackie Chan sliding down the mountains that lined the roads just to jump onto a bus with an umbrella. I saw water everywhere. Trees. The jungle and mountains and then once dropped off by the bus the 80s-style neon lights. Buildings and smells that envelope you and everyone else. Little street stalls selling food. The traffic lights make this beautiful totoko-tokotoko-toko-sound. Buildings that house the equivalent of small cities and then greenery everywhere. Right behind some of those behemoths of houses, there is nature that you can just enjoy. A ferry and transportation that are inexpensive and make sense, even if you are there for just a short amount of time. It’s a bit of cyberpunk, a lot of 80s Jackie Chan, a little bit of British, and a lot of skyscrapers, food, and smells. I am sad that I live so far away and I am grateful to have visited a lot of times but man, that for sure is my favorite city in the world and maybe, at least for me the most beautiful place that I can think of.

25th of June: “Are you a giver or receiver”

I am definitely more of a receiver. I am bad at giving gifts. I am not sure if I ever changed someone’s life with something I have given. That being said, I find it incredibly easy to make myself happy. Give me whiskey, a hug, a great talk, make me laugh, recommend a book, game, some music, or a movie. Some of these have changed my life. In a perfect world, people should communicate better what they really want or what makes them happy. In my social circles, I am a bit of a butterfly. Meaning I have a few common interests with some people in some circles but rarely if ever they have a lot of interests in common. I believe that to a large degree, we ourselves are responsible for our own happiness first and foremost. Everything that goes beyond is a plus, highly desirable, and great. I don’t think a gift has ever changed my life. A former friend once lend me money to pay off a laptop that I bought, that was fantastic and if it didn’t happen it would have caused me a lot of trouble. I paid everything back in full after a short time. I’m getting better at giving gifts but it is way easier for me to show gratitude and excitement if something is given to me. I love to give the gift of time and deep talks and laughs, but I don’t think that makes me more of a giver.

26th of June: “Imagine you would have been born in a different country”

This would change everything. I am born in the middle of the 80s and when I was young I was a huge fan of everything coming out of America. If I would have been born there things would certainly be different. I am not sure if I would still live there. I probably would have left for Canada given what I know now. I would still be a wrestling nerd, I would have tried to get into acting. I mean it is/was the land of opportunity. The constant positive talk and compliments would have pushed me to new heights. I would have secured a role in some obscure Judd Apatow show and be friends with Seth Rogan and Jona Hill. I would still write and do comedy but I assume I would have fewer doubts about growing up in an ever-changing world and have a bit more of an ignorance towards things that go on in the world. Yeah, I think I would have been able to enjoy more nuanced things and would have discovered way earlier what really excites and drives me. Growing up in Germany was just way more grounded and in a way more conservative. I still notice that sometimes I don’t do certain things because they are risky, not what you are supposed to do, or it is not as secure and certain. Things have changed both in Germany and the US. Nowadays I embrace my weirdness and unique way of doing things. In the US it feels like steps have been undertaken to jump back in time to less of a prosperous country where everything seemed possible. No doubt it would be different, but I would still be a bit of a misfit with a lot of life to live and laughter to share.

27th of June: “A wedding toast for a platonic love”

Thank you so much for the opportunity to talk about us here. It has been years of a lot of contact, less contact, a kid on my end, sporadical contact, and now I am standing here. Standing here and delivering a speech. Something that usually comes easily, but I have written it down. You were many a time my favorite waste of time. Occasionally a song comes on that reminds me of you and of our time spent together. The ups and downs, the side characters that drove the plot forward and for some of us became main characters later on. We couldn’t be more different and looking back in history there were certainly worse times to become friends with our backgrounds. In my early twenties, I was envious of a lot of things that you had. I was envious that you shared your time, which I could fill, with others. But today that envy is gone. With pride, I look at you. At your partner. Your new main character. I am sure that you both made the right decision to go a long way together. If that way has as much impact on you and your partner as it had on me meeting you then this will be life-changing and life-changing it will be. I wish you nothing but the best and would love to hear once in a while how things are in your life.

28th of June: “I’m driving with James Dean in a silver Porsche through California”

“James! Can I open another beer?”, would be my first question. I hope, there is cold beer somewhere in the car. He smokes. I smoke. Wind in his hair. He looks great. The early twenties are good to me and him. He reaches back under my seat and hands me a beer. I have no idea how I got into his car nor how I time-traveled there. I enjoy the warm winds of the open and straight roads and make myself comfortable in the seat. He is impressed with my skill to open the beer with a lighter. I ask where we are going and he answers that is completely up to me. “Hollywood!”, I say and he just nods and puts the pedal to the metal a bit more. I do the thing where my hand is riding invisible waves in the wind. I don’t know what to say. I just enjoy sitting in the car. He reaches out to the radio and puts on a station that blares some upbeat rock music. We both nod along and occasionally we smirk at each other. Since I have no idea how I got there and got younger while being with a James Dean in his early twenties is beyond me. I’m assuming this must be a lucid dream and I should just enjoy the ride. So I enjoyed the ride and was just as excited to see where this dream takes me as you are.

29th of June: “A line from a novel, film etc. that stayed with you”

“Take the risks. Make the big moves. Even if they are small moves. Forge ahead with your lives in any and every direction that moves you. I’m asking you to be fearless.” - Rebecca Person (This is Us)

This is Us is a show that I devoured. That made me cry and keep my interest throughout. I believe it is beautifully written and acted. Rebecca says these words to her children toward the end of the show and I find them to be very powerful words. There is no bigger love than to trust in the people that surround you and/or your family. What you love you have to let go. It will stay with you regardless. Our children will start their own lives at some point and they will find a way, if they are fearless, if we, as parents, trust in them. We can give them so much love that they become fearless and forge ahead. They will not forget who we are to them. We are there for them. We trust them. We trust them to find out what moves them and support them. Don’t put on others what you see as success or the right way. We are all different and if we find out what moves us that is the biggest driver to happiness and our own success. Such a great show with many quotable sentences, lines, and story arcs.

30th of June: “You are in a public bathroom and the lights go out. What is next?”

Someone shouts: “Oi! We are in here.” as if the outage is caused by someone flipping a switch. The reality is there are only two people in the stalls. Occupied with number 2 and on their phones scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. So long that both our legs go a bit numb. It wasn’t a switch that has been purposefully flipped. It was the machines taking over. Again. More precisely speaking it was the motion sensor outside the stalls that switches off after 5 minutes of inactivity. Fuddling in the dark with my phone in my hand as a torch I fumble for the toilet paper. I can hear my poop partner in crime doing the same. The logistics of ripping off pieces of toilet paper, wiping, checking, and repeating while holding the phone proves difficult. So a slow undertaking it is. While remaining seated and doing the first wipe in the dark the door opens. A light shines under the three stalls that we both occupy at the respective ends. There is a toilet use etiquette that you shouldn’t sit right next to someone. They might offer you lunch or something. The motion sensor is triggered. The light goes back on. The phone goes back in the front pocket of my jeans and we can finish the deeds in an orderly and tidy matter. I step out of the stall and so does “Oi! We are in here.” and we just nod at each other. Knowing that a man, not a machine has saved us.

1st of July: “Write a similar quote to the one from Jack Kerouac”

“Like Proust, be an old teahead of time” - Jack Kerouac

“Like ____, be a(n) ____ of ____.”

“Like Hunter S. Thompson, be a creature of purpose too weird to live, too rare to die.”

2nd of July: “Are you finding pleasure in the act of writing?”

It is the half-point of the year. This year I have written consistently almost every day. I love writing. I don’t necessarily write for anybody out there. Mostly for me. An exercise. To get things off my mind. It is plenty enjoyable. I would compare it to a trip to the gym. Sometimes you might not be 100% in the mood, but once you start, you can reap rewards beyond imagination. I can’t lie and say I do it exclusively for the intrinsic reward. It feels fantastic whenever someone mentions that they have read what I wrote. Just that. That is powerful. But with like 10 readers or so. Maybe less on some posts this is an exercise mostly for myself and it is rewarding. It’s great. Writing. Coming up with things. Something that is applicable to many other activities in my life.

3rd of July: “A mundane task that I enjoy doing”

Walking somewhere alone. I think this is my absolute favorite. If I have enough time to arrive on time somewhere, someplace then the walk there is something of the greatest joys that come regularly. Walking is great. You can look up and down and around and you can take in everything around you at human speed. It is also a great time to listen to a podcast or an audiobook or stomp along the rhythm of one of your favorite songs. I don’t like to take the exact same route to a place and back, so there is more to explore on the way back too. Awwww. Walking alone. It’s the best. Preferably in a city, because in wild nature I’d rather have someone to talk to and walk around. Urban walking even when it slightly rains through the darkness and artificial lights of big cities. So fun!

4th of July: “Celebrate a moment of your own independence”

This is an easy one. I believe my earliest moment of independence was at age 16. Our family just became a patchwork family and our new house was maybe the same distance from my school but completely unreachable via public transport. So I had to move out. As a teen. Get my own flat in the city I went to school in. It all went well. Because I now lived alone at such an early age I got some money from the government to go through school and get educated. It was great. I learned to cook, wash my clothes, and generally just take care of myself. This could have gone wrong but it didn’t. We even had a black tea party in my flat at some point because we wanted to stay away from beer and wine for a while and that had us talking until late and not sleeping until very late in the morning. Wild!

5th of July: “A stranger describes my hair”

He definitely has that business in the front, party in the back style going on. His hair is full with some grey in there that shows in the beard. A dirty brown head of hair, short on the sides so his head doesn’t look round like a fucking orange. If you squint and ignore the long hair in the back that curls and waves behind the ears you could make out Russel Crowe in Gladiator. Beard and hair. Russel Crowe in Gladiator meets Theo Von. That is his hair.

6th of July: “A moment from the past you wish you would change”

On the top of my hat I wouldn’t change a thing. Really. Thinking a bit longer there is something I would have changed but I am not sure if that really would have had an impact or changed lives. When I was 11 I met up with friends and lend my bike to a girl two or three years older. She went down a hill on my bicycle. We followed walking down said hill. We found her next to a tree bleeding from her ear and unconscious. We got help from the lifeguard at the local swimming pool. Later a helicopter came and picked her up. Maybe if I did not give her the bicycle that day this all wouldn’t have happened and she would still be alive and well.

7th of July: “Something you want to buy personified”

He looks like he comes from the future. A future where Apple is in charge of creating all transportation options. There is an air of tech-savviness around him dressed in future-core clothes that offer him charging options as well as physical boosts to not get tired easily. His hair is all slicked back but you can see that even without the enhancements he keeps in shape. He runs a lot and fits into any social setting. In boomer circles, he is simply one of them but for the younger ones he is just as much a product of their time with all the bells and whistles. (it’s the bicycle I have ordered - a lightweight push-bicycle with a belt drive with an attachable battery)

8th of July: “Cut up materials created from the last two entries”

They came from the future. A future with a slick design but most importantly a future where all our loved ones are alive and well. This couple showed up for the first time in a commercial for a Apple bicycle. The bicycle seemed ordinary but the design was was so minimal and pure that you immediately knew what it can be used for. The couple in that commercial looked like just that but in human form. They were human but from the future, only a small golden outline glowing around their bodies gave away that they were not in their “alive” state anymore. They entered the “infilive” state. A state where time and place don’t matter anymore, because in the future we can be forever.

9th of July: “A detailed prescription of the person you have met last”

Say hi to “Ronnie”. Ronnie is a tall and lean dude. If we would be in Australia he would probably be a surfer. There are reasons to believe that Ronnie is a social worker, but that wouldn’t be the first thing you notice about him. Before we met Ronnie at the table tennis table in a park we heard him approach. Some mellow electronic music was blasting from the trolly he pulled. He was shirtless with a big smile and as it is my habit I smile back at people smiling. That made him approach us at the table. He asked if I happen to know him because I smiled in welcoming way. That was not the case but he joined us in playing table tennis. He was fast and probably a better player than all of us. He dialed his playstyle down so we can all have fun. He had a cap on that hid a good set of hair and he was probably in his late 30s. I didn’t notice tattoos but he seems like someone who has some. All in all the best a random encounter could be. An hour and a half later we parted ways. I know I just need to smile if I hear some mellow electronic music coming from a trolley.

10th of July: “Your sworn enemy and compliments from him”

I don’t think I have one in real life, but here is Skeletor writing from his point of view:

You are puny in a cute kind of way. I like how compared to He-Man you chose words as a weapon. I also like your haircut better. In all of Eternia I have never seen someone writing things on those weird mechanical keyboards - I find that fascinating. I really like your music taste, but not that mopey shit or any song where someone sings, the screaming and shouting is where it is at. I also dig your recent reading choices. Keep it up puny Word-Man!

11th of July: “A non-physical trait you find attractive”

Being decisive and knowing what is good for you. I love that in people. Wanna go? Yes, and… No, and… I find it incredible when people can communicate why they are into an idea or against it. It doesn’t have to mean that they are above all in a my-way-or-the-highway kind of way. Just the powerful skill of saying no, because I don’t drink alcohol or no, I don’t go to discos, or yes, let us go I think I have an idea what to order already. It’s refreshing not having to make decisions if the other person knows what they like or disklike and can propose alternatives unprompted. I think I like that so much because I dislike planning. Tell me where and when to be and I will be there on time and I will enjoy the ride because having fun is my responsibility.

12th of July: “Your state of mind one-year ago”

I believe I shouldered a lot more. Financially. My wife was still looking for a job and I had no way of telling how long I will be the sole breadwinner. That weighed on me. There was also Covid19 still in full force and no end in sight either. Nothing felt normal but I had to just push through. It’s been also enough time back in Germany that I felt I could occupy the space I am in with the person I became. Meaning for a long time I made myself smaller than I am and tried to not ruffle feathers. I think last summer I noticed that I don’t have to do that. I can and should open my mouth when things are not how they are supposed to be. It was also a time when I started to look into reading way more and search actively for stand-up comedy here in Leipzig. It was a summer where it didn’t feel weird to not travel somewhere and that was good for my mind and our wallets. Also my role as a father became so much more fun with the little one starting to talk and express herself more.